A Trans Woman Perspective

I shall start with saying that this is my opinions, though many parts are shared by other trans people. This may upset some people, so keep in mind it is an opinion based on my own and shared experiences. It is not the experience of every trans woman.

I hope that this will allow discussion of what is happening, and allow non-trans people to get insight into a trans woman's life. My life is not entirely typical, and yet it has given me experiences and insights into life as others may not experience or see it. I want to also share this so that people might better understand me, because there are enough people in this world that there must be others with a similar life path.

This has taken longer to write than planned. I was thinking about some of this stuff at work yesterday, and I spent almost 2-hours trying not to allow a full on leak of water from my eyes. I really struggled, it was quite traumatic going down the rabbit hole of thoughts. For me this is how I live and experience life, a life which is similar to some trans women I know, and certainly unlike what many rainbow experience. And still there are elements that match many people of all walks of life because they are basic needs.

As a result I have started withdrawing from the local rainbow community, people and organisations. I am tired of having to push shit up hill. I make the effort, none is returned. There is no energy exchange that I have a positive experience of. So why would I keep trying? Who reaches out to me, or invites me in? Who visits? Who helps or supports? 

I know that I am not everybody's cup of tea. I speak truths hard and direct, calling out BS. I have a terrible sense of humor in that it is rather broad, dark, and sometimes both simple and complex. I have different interests. Some say that they are scared because of my blog and being mentioned in it. My musical tastes are different, a product of revolution and evolution. Some confuse my kindness and interest in them with a man hitting on them. Some are suspicious that my kindness is false. 

The reality is that I am genuine, a person who has lots to offer. I won't change to be what people want or expect. I don't conform, in fact I hate conformity. I am on the neuro-diverse spectrum, I see and think different. I have no hidden motives.

I am the same as you, a person with needs that all people have. The difference is that many of those needs of mine are not being met, and have not been met for many years. I am no danger, just a very isolated, alone, and rejected feeling person who has had experiences that have shaped how I see this world.

Have a read.

Why Do Non-Trans Fight For Trans Rights?

In my experience there are two camps of people; those that have trans people close to them or in their lives; and those who are other Rainbow community members. Those that have trans people in their lives do it because they know the tough time trans people have, they see and experience it, they are actively supporting the life of a trans person. I like these people because their motivations are right and just.

I am not so sure about the second group. My own feelings are that these people are fighting their own battles on the trans battlefield. Why? Because if trans rights go they know that their rights are next, like marriage equality.

I don't like this. 

I am trans. I am thankful for people who understand trans issues and fight for us to be recognized as equals to anybody.

I don't like violence, and anybody who does so in the name of trans people sets back our progress. Everybody has the right to have an opinion, and even express it respectfully. I am not sure public confrontations help, they increase tension, escalate violence occurring, and help feed the media spotlight.

I am siding with Gandhi. Peaceful resistance by living the change we want as examples. 

We work to make the law of the land our shield. If we behave like the other side and complain about their behavior we are hypocrites. To me the path is a righteous one. We change society by being the better people, living as an example, being active in all levels of our community. There are those who will never change, will hate us because they are brain washed by cultish religions, through fear, and ignorance. We can't give the opposition oxygen.

As more trans people come out society will slowly change if we are positive examples, if we are open about our struggles.

In very Hindu thinking, please don't fight in my name, I would rather die.

The Difference Between Pre-Op & Post-Op trans Women

It might not seem obvious, yet it generally is visible. And even if you cannot see it, their is a bias about it.

I speak from my experience, and yet I have found through observation and discussion that some other pre-op trans women have similar experiences. It is part of that inequality already discussed.

Basically we are at the bottom of the pile. If you are still attached to male genitalia then you are not really part of the women's community in the rainbow world. Strangely I feel more respect in the CIS community. The transwomen seem to have to be separated, given lip service, then ignored in the rainbow world. 

If we are very sexual they want the novelty factor of our bodies, and exploit our vulnerabilities, the desire to be accepted. For some trans women it is so important to be accepted that they will compromise themselves to get the feelings of acceptance, to combat gender dysphoria, a very real issue and weakness. 

I don't have this. My body is not as I would want, it never will be, and I accept that. I am also not going to be a bucket list freak show curiosity for anybody, I won't compromise who I am. I don't need that kind of attention. Men see us as curiosity freaks that either repulse them or sexually excite them mostly. We are neither man nor woman, and that makes us different, and society pushes people who are different to the margins.

Now if you have a full op thats a different ball game, because you have no bat & balls. Women who are lesbians don't want male genitals around them, its like a reminder that we are still connected to male bodies, a body type they are trying to avoid.  By having the full surgery you can be a part of a group because you now outwardly conform. I have watched this a number of times. If you have beautification surgery that can help to.

I find this offensive when people define me by body parts instead of my heart and how I live. Defined by my physical size and voice. There is no equality at a certain age, because I have watch many younger people embrace pre-op trans people.

The Pecking Order Of Rainbow Life

The CIS world thinks that the rainbow community is very united. Most of us know that it is not. We are a splintered hierarchical bunch. We are just like the rest of society. 

We have learned to do this from society and it is to our detriment. Trans and non-binary are at the bottom of this inverted pyramid we have created. It really is not much different from that used by the Nazis. Those who least conform to whatever is held as the norm or ideals of the day are at decreasingly lower levels of power, popularity, acceptance, understanding. People who can be blamed because they lack the power through numbers to fight effectively back.

In my experiences there is a wider acceptance of trans people in the non-rainbow community. 

In the rainbow world I definitely feel at the bottom of the social ladder. People are often nice to your face, and yet where is the rainbow support?

Even trans support is fractured. It is I feel because trans support is not run by trans people. People who are not trans have little/no right to start telling trans people they understand. I can't really understand CIS life, though I can appreciate it is an easier path and yet it has its own issues.

We are all subject to bias and fears, it is the nature of being human. It is at its core stone age cave people survival instincts. We are not cave people any more. We have evolved. We can see beyond skin color, culture, language, and sexual identity and sexuality. 

What is to fear? Why do you want to elevate yourself? Is it because it is done to you?

Change takes time, and I am an optimist, and maybe naive. One day I hope people just see each other as other people, with the same needs, wants, and fears. Where nobody feels threatened by difference. It is a bit pie-in-the-sky dreaming. Yet if we each as individuals don't practice it how can the world, our communities, our families and others change?

Being at the bottom is liberating, you can't please people so you learn to please yourself. We want to feel accepted as equals, and yet equals with people who discriminate is hypocritical. I don't feel or want to feel better than anybody. Equality has no hierarchical pyramid. It is just equal. "I am human and need to be loved, just like every one else does." Thanks to The Smiths for singing the simple truth.

Conflicting Priorities of Funded Agencies

There are organisations that help trans people. They compete for funding in limited ways. If you don't fit the profile then you are discarded. This is not just my experience. 

It sucks big time when you are removed because you are 'to advanced' or that I have more functionality in parts of my life. It sucks because I still need support of my own issues that other trans and rainbow people have.

It doesn't help when you call out the hypocrisy of how these organisations operate, truth is not a valued commodity. As long as they can get the people they want that don't rock the boat and get the funding to pay the organisation people then all is good. The focus is currently on the younger generations, mine has been written off to fend for itself.

Ageism

There has come a point in my life that ageism has become a factor. I am 55 and its an interesting age. I am past my physical peak, and maybe on the downhill cognitively. These are just normal things of life. I keep my mind busy which helps, and I am starting an exercise program to slow the body down. And yet it is not enough.

For employment it is that interesting age. I can out think most people at work, I understand things that they don't. I can think and process in my head maths and logic relevant to the job that they just don't get. It allows me to challenge systems and processes. And when you are much older than the people that you are explaining things to it is a hard sell. There is a lack of respect for age by the younger ones, and they expect me to solve problems they are in charge of.

On a social level I have trouble finding similar age people to have as friends, or someone special. I am typically 20+ years older than my friends. Thats a generational gap. People my age seem little interested in a mid-life trans woman. Its a complete reversal of logic having friends so much younger and not my own age. 

On the rainbow scene I just cannot seem to connect. Is age a factor? I believe it is because of how I am treated and looked at. To old. I have been relegated to the background, the used and unwanted. I am not the only one.

For somebody like me on hormonal treatment for only 3-years, we are experiencing a kind of second teenage life that sort of also goes into our early 20's. It is a very different experience than rainbow people not changing their hormones. I would best describe it as growing into our new lives. Sometimes our decisions might seem unusual, unless you think of what teenage life was like. This may give people conflicting impressions of me, a 55-year old trans woman that is behaving more like a teen at times, which I get. What I don't get is why people can't see past this at the beauty of a life that is aligning and being reborn.

Assumptions

There are many assumptions about trans women in particular. It really is unhelpful to make any about us, we are a very diverse and potentially vulnerable group. And there are groups that I do not think help the assumptions about us, at least us grown up trans women. Please forgive the generalizations, its just that the experiences I and trans I know have experienced this a lot.

I find that men tend to assume we are highly sexual, and interested in them. I have had more than enough men like this in both real life and on the internet. So we are clear for statistics, 60% of trans women are interested in men sexually, the of the 40% are not unless they are identifying as bi-sexual. I identify as lesbian, and for some reason this just makes men's attentions and assumptions worse.

Many believe we are highly sexually motivated people. For many of us this is untrue. Such beliefs have been cultivated by poor trans working in the sex industry or in adult entertainment or often the behavior of drag queens out at night or in shows. (This is not anti-drag queen). And there other reasons, like trans women battling gender dysphoria through sexual acceptance. Being trans is not easy, emotionally, financially, socially, and for some its a very unsafe world where you do what is required to survive, especially if you are pushed to the edges of that society and marginalized. Our suicide rate is so much higher than the average person, including most other rainbow types.

There are other assumptions because people fail to understand the process of the changes we subject ourselves to. We do lose physical strength, and it takes real working out to have even a good women's physical abilities. We may still in ways have male bodies, made in the male way, yet it degrades quicker than you think. I am often thought of as a man or as strong because I have a males height and origin. I don't, and I don't want that back.

Women make different assumptions about us, some already covered. These primarily concern our male genitals, having or not. Some I have also found assume I am a highly sexual being, and I have had a number of curiosity sex offers, often by younger women which I have turned down. It surprises people that I turn down sex.

There is also decreased sex drive after three years of hormone treatment. This doesn't bother me, I can live without it. As a result many trans women have dysfunctional male genitals, particularly if your testosterone is so low they can't measure it. And for some of us we don't want it to function as it once did, or to use it as a man.

Thats this over and out. 

Aroha to you all, 

Geogina