The Art of Stress

Life has been busy. It is not as flat out as some people, I have lower limits at the moment. I have mental health limits, and there have been times lately when I have hit the wall, run out of runway, over heated the engine, and falling asleep at the wheel.

There are many reasons for this. Some you know about, some I may not be mentioning. You know the flatting stress and the drama caused by the ex-flatmate, and the financial stress. There is the diabetes stress, caused by eating stuff to deal with stress. There is the stress of isolation. There is also work stress and frustration. There is discrimination stress, and the stress of rules I have to follow applied by people who don't understand me and continue to judge me for a past long ago. I know that everything I do is under scrutiny and judgement, and sometimes even ridicule. I have to stress about how I say things, or what I say, lest judgement or critical unsolicited advice is given. Sometimes you can read the judgement on their faces. There is also emotional stress.

And there are many days lately when I become so overwhelmed by the many things to do or react to that I just shut down, or crash on the couch due to fibromyalgia or effects of diabetes. There are many nights I never get into my own bed for various reasons of the recent past. 

I struggle with trust now with many people. Fearful and tired of judgement, I have reached a point where I really am going to open my mouth, and it may not go well. I have a point where I just suddenly explode, and that worries me as well.

Its a bit like boiling water; at sea level it boils at 100-degrees C; and as you get higher up the boiling point rapidly reduces. That is what the accumulated stress is like. It makes reaching boiling point quicker and easier.

This is why I enjoy making stuff so much right now. Some how it calms and soothes me, brings out peace and a type of harmony, allows me to talk with myself, the tools and the wood. It is a kind of relationship. I put my best ideas and love and care into using the tools to bring out the best of the wood, and in return the tools help me shape and create, and the wood becomes something very pleasing and satisfying.

So I have done lots of work on a variety of things lately, and the workshop shows it. It may be a small space, over crowded with stuff, and I may not have all the professional gear, yet that in itself is great because of how it forces me to be creative. I remember my first build, the art desk. I actually made it with few tools, so few I did not have a hammer. I used a wooded rolling pin and a big rock that required 2-hands to lift. Sometimes I have to get creative with the wood, not having enough or very damaged wood.

I love taking that stress to the workshop, and talking it through, allowing myself to be consumed by the project and process, and the forced creativity. Right now it is one of the major things helping keep my shit together so each day I can continue chipping away at the problems causing me stress. A philosophy I follow with the wood is not to hide its origins, not to make it look like something it is not. The wood is imperfect, sometimes extremely so. I work with those imperfections, celebrate them, make them features that are desirable. I treat the wood how I want to be treated. It is about living the life.

One of my calm places is Bunnings, where I can spend ages looking over the store for specific things or ideas. The staff are friendly, helpful, and some I chat with about other things. I never get stressed there. It is a kind of place where my mind is free of the outside world, and all I see is a giant creative space, a place of potential. In that giant space stress cannot follow me, it has to stay at home or out in the car. I have given stress boundaries, and I won't let it breach them.

Another place is my deck, which is steadily transforming into a space I like to be in. Having made some furniture I now regularly take breaks out there to slow down and enjoy the day with coffee and food. This weekend I plan to restart my garden out there. A little island of tranquility. Must build a bird feeder as well. I miss feeding the local birds, and watching them gather and eat. Birds fascinate me, and I can watch them every day and never be tired of them. Nature simplifies life, and the birds are good examples. It is an inspiration to keep my life simple.

Board gaming is another space that is a place stress cannot go. It is timeout, a place for socializing and fun. I don't have to worry about anything because for me gaming is me time that allows me to tune out, chat with people, and enjoy the time spent in it. I often meet interesting people, and have interesting chats. Sometimes I make friends that last many years. The games allow me to engage different ways of thinking and interaction, because I love challenges and diversity.

There have been other outings for social interaction, and it is always good to have a reason to go out and engage socially. Being socially active is a good way to help keep me from isolating. Being out with people I can talk about stuff, good and bad, get support, and also to focus me on enjoying the company of friends. It also takes you out of the stress and gives me a time out. For now these have been rainbow community events, and even hosting a friend for dinner.

There are also timeouts where I do nothing except nap, or play a mindless game on my tablet, or crank up some music. I take moments like this regularly each day, allowing me a time and space to reorganize just a little. These little breaks have become essential in my day. 

t looks like I have found my next flatmate. To describe the problem of finding somebody as stressful is an understatement. It has dominated much of my recent stress. The situation had the potential to get much worse financially, and that other decisions would have to be made about my future. I have not had many responses from my ads. Really disappointing when you know people need housing. The other night I was thinking I would have to take in one of the less than ideal choices. Then the thought struck me, "Why do I have to settle for less?" I knew that the right person existed, and I decided that I would hold out for that better opportunity. The next day that person turned up, and the landlord is processing things. I am very sure about this person. And the relief this brings is allowing me to calm down more, anxieties diminished.

This has been how I manage life lately. Being somebody with various mental health issues it is really important for me to manage stress and anxiety. Not managing it leads to dysfunctional behavior, isolation, and depression, and this makes it harder to manage. I have been down that road many times, and it has never taken me to a place that was better.

Well I have an art project to do next for an exhibition, and a deadline approaching. So aroha to you all.

Geogina