Realizations & Taking A Chance

Happiness is now a contagious thing in my life, it fills my whole body as I accept the current state of things. And in general there few grey clouds about right now. And if they are about, then I am not worried. Once I would be looking for the thunderstorms or other approaching disaster, not able to accept happiness. I am glad that person is no longer here.

To some extent I am living in the moment carefree, and maybe a little risky in all the right ways. This I suppose is what living open and vulnerable is, being prepared to risky my heart and enjoy life. And this is a large part of the theme of this post.

You see I am in love.

This will immediately get some peoples attention and worry I know. Relax, I am not behaving erratic or reckless, and I am thinking things through and being careful.

I don't know how many people have to explain themselves or report these things as much as I seem to have to. How I feel is how I feel, I am a big girl now and I know what I want in my life, how I want it, and who I want. My former self had three failed marriages, and that was because I could never be the real me. This undermined the relationships from the beginning, and led to behavior that destroyed trust and intimacy.

Now things are different. Now I am different. Now my life is different.

Right now I am not going to pass on details of this special person, at least not to the world yet. Things are serious enough. Right now there are no red flags, and I am enjoying being in the moment. This is different, its Geogina's first big love feeling, much bigger than I had with A, more real, more equal, more mature.

This is what I want, and I will survive a broken heart if that should happen. I am being patient, even if things are moving fast.

Work has been great, and I feel even more appreciated after this last week.

I also have been busy making stuff. Over Easter weekend I shall get lots done. I feel the drive, and happiness is part of that. The making of stuff makes for balance and grounding in myself and the things I make.

It was our last night at my Rainbow course, The Big Q. In an exercise that looked into our own future, I chose this new love. I can see how this is what I want, need, and I am grateful I have the courage to go for what I want, risk my heart for love again. I am not giving up on life and happiness.

Take care all, have a happy and safe Easter.

Aroha,

Geogina