Risks, Risk Taking, Managing Stress

Life is not certain, death and taxes are. Each decision we make is a risk of one sort or another. Sometimes we make very calculated risks, sometimes we casually accept the gamble, sometimes in ignorance. There are gut reactions and hunches, and then there are those who seem not to care (they do really). There are also Hail Mary's and choices of desperation.

I have been doing all of this lately, well, maybe most of it. 

I feel a bit erratic in some of my decision making. Nothing really bad, just not good. I am feeling the stress levels expand, the feelings of rejection and desperation around finding a new place to live. It is a tight market that moves fast. And I mean fast.

I have made a number of bookings to view places, many have gone already. Others are not quite up to my needs. And there are some dumps. Then there are some so over priced its not funny. It is a game of wack-a-mole on steroids'. And right now I am not winning.

There is a chance, sure. I made an impulsive decision on Sunday afternoon to jump in on a joint application with a woman I have not met, in a new flat. Sounds crazy? At the time it did not. The place is not perfect for me. Still it is a decision. If my application succeeds then I will have a place to start from. Still seems crazy, yet is it really?

Apart from the housing issue I also decided to be the bigger person and mend the relationship with my Auckland friend ER. We had split about 6 weeks ago, well, we pulled out because I told him some things he did not want to hear. I picked up the phoned and called him. This whole thing was silly. He answered, and said he was waiting on me to call! I pointed out it was him that broke things off, and that was now history. We had a chat, catching up on each others lives. I am fairly sure our friendship will never quite be the same again.

I continued making my next little project, another vase of sorts. There were some issues I had not thought through properly (not surprising with my head right now) and so I had to cut off some features. I have also managed to put a splinter deep in my finger that is infected. Iodine please!

Making these little projects has helped lots. They are big enough to do easily, and they bring me some joy, and they can kill time. I have now started to work on the dinning table chairs. These are a much bigger prospect, and I will need more wood as they are quite intensive. I have basic plans now, and started measuring wood.

I have also joined a fb group to meet other Lesbians. This was also a bit impulsive, though its a case of wait and see. You can't catch fish unless you go fishing. I seem to attract some rather 'interesting' women shall we say. What is it about me that says I want problem people in my life? I may have made a rash decision there to.

Actually, I am still getting hits on me online by men who don't understand the word Lesbian. Some seem to think that means Bi, and others think they can convert me. I really am tired of it all. I tell them straight up at the start of any chat, and right now Iam thinking of blocking all new men in my life online. What part of NO do they not get? Men and there f***ing d***s!

Work was great, we were almost fully staffed and things went really well. Work is such a safe space right now, I would go crazy without it. There I am appreciated as a woman with skills and ability to deliver.

So a short post, yet I have vented most things. I have also been doing memes again.

Stay frosty, aroha to you all,

Geogina