Progress, Hinderance, Work, Surprise, & A Great Day

The last three days have been a real rollercoaster for me. Luckily I do not face the devastation of New Zealand's East coast of the North Island. I am also lucky that I have support and that my life has a certain stability. 

Work is a fundamental part of this stability, and I have said so many times. I have also said that I love my job, and the team of people I work with. Recently I have had to step up an extra shift, and it has been fantastic. The feeling of being appreciated, and being able to take on more little jobs. My abilities enable me to enjoy the extra work and responsibilities. Work is not work, its a safe space I enjoy. I feel I am steadily moving towards a greater work load. Towards a more full time job. Believe me, at the moment that is still a scary thought, and it will eventually require me to confront those fears, stretch myself. Right now is not quite that time.

 

In my life I am always trying to do good, the right thing, with no motivation beyond that. It seems however that my time doing some nice things is at an end. It seems such a silly thing as well. It is because of the naughty behavior and problems that happened at the other residential facility where A once resided. The problem was never addressed despite them being informed. Basically the people in charge did nothing when they needed to do something, and that let things get worse.

 

So with my work I sometimes get a pile of left over food. Really nice food. And normally I try and share that with the other women at the other site. There is currently just one new resident there, and I have dropped off to her food a couple of times now, which is always appreciated.

Now however, the rules have changed, and I am unable to do so because they have changed the rules at the other site, and in short I am unable to go there now. The rules have changed like closing the barn door after the animals have escaped. And I had not been part of the problem. 

It was quite a blow to me for some reason. I was devastated. It was the first day of changing my mindset over the depression that has come to be my largest problem lately. I had been doing great all day, I felt mostly released from the depression, I was happy and care free. And this just burst my bubble, and my depressed state returned.

Thursday night was a hard one. I had to struggle with my head, and by morning I was mostly okay, just. Thats where a shift of work later that day was so helpful. It created a stable and busy environment which helped keep me focused in a positive way.

Of course I had lots of food to take with me that day, and I was saddened, yet I found some volunteer workers at my favourite op-shop.

 

It had been a hot day, again, so I stayed home for a bit, and rested. A nice meal and then I went out shopping at K-Mart, and then for my groceries. It was here that I was spotted by somebody from my pre-Hamilton past. It was great to see him, he had been supportive and encouraging, and now he was pleased to see me doing so well. This had been a great surprise, and I have to say I felt better for it.

Today, Saturday, I had an appointment to get my eye brows done mid-morning. I was a bit slow, barely making it on time. I had a great chat with the owner/operator as she worked on me. I had some compliments about my makeup, always good. And it was decided that next week I would get my hair trimmed.

The day in town continued, with shopping for little things, and just being in a busy party atmosphere intown today. Lots of happy people, lots of smiles at me in a nice way. I even took time out to stop and have a coffee at a popular location I had not been to before. I even purchased a cushion for my bed, and a small electronic device.

Midafternoon I arrived home had a nap, rested, surfed the net, cooked a nice meal, over ate, and mostly chilled out. It has been a great day. 

Aroha all, I am in a much better space today.

Geogina