One Challenge At A Time
The last 3-days have passed, and I am pleased they have. Not that they were bad, they all had there challenges, and even a surprise which affected me more than I thought. Life is slowly progressing, at a pace I can handle mostly, and every now and then I put the brakes on to keep control. Right now maintaining my head space is really important.
Work was a feature of Thursday, and we were down 2 staff. This could have put us under plenty of pressure, however, we got help and the day was not to busy. Relief really, I was not feeling like a full on day. The downside of a slow shift is just that, it is slow. And this meant I had time to think on other things that day.
That thing was my first viewing of a potential new flat/house. The idea of moving has been a real issue for me. There has been such anxiety about this lately that it was part of what was causing all my overload lately. I just have not wanted to deal with it. So I had allowed the pressure to build up and put dealing with it off, there were always other things to do first.
I got to my first viewing bang on time. It was a flat under a house, a nice one. There was most of what I wanted. There was some down sides as well, though over all it was a livable location and space. What surprised me was how racist the owner was openly to me. I wondered how being transgender fitted into his world view. A not so funny detail the owner shared was the high number of suicides took place in the area by people not from that area. What a sales pitch detail for somebody like me.
I went home and kicked back, had a nap, and thinking of my night ahead. A text alerted me to another viewing at 5:30pm. Not great timing. It put me off my planned night. I had a rush to get ready, then there was rush hour traffic to deal with. Lucky I had an alternative route in mind. I arrived early, and the first problem is identified, no car parking even on the street. The new owner was nice, and showed me about. The next problem was that it really was not ideal for me, basically a bedroom with ensuite in a small shared space with 4 other rooms. Not a great space unless you were home only to eat and sleep.
It was rather disappointing. I left feeling mixed up, my nights plans forgotten, and I wandered into the supermarket and did my shopping. It was very busy, and I needed to play my music to tune out the world. I was not in the right head space when I got home. I knew I was missing something, I could not remember what it was.
The first part of my evening was mixed up and unfocussed. A simple meal, some rest, then I got stuck into a new project which I finished. It is a vase with base, centered around a cool bottle. I like it.
What had I forgotten? My course, "The Big Q" for rainbow people. Oh well.
I awoke to early Friday morning. My response was to fall back asleep for almost 2-hours. I had a busy day ahead, so I intended to have a relaxed start. It was a pinch to relaxed and I barely made it to my first appointment on time.
It was my first haircut in 5-years, since I came fully out. This was at the same place where I get my eye brows done, and I had a good relationship with the owner. I trusted her, and she appreciated how important the moment was for me.
I was not disappointed. She finished it off showing me several ways of wearing it, and ended with a really nice side plat. I felt beautiful.
Back at home I had a meeting with my psychologist JA, and it was a session of working through the last few weeks. He was quite impressed with how I had coped and managed the depression.
There was time for lunch before another viewing. This seemed promising, and I travelled into an area that was not bad. As I got there the agent called and things had some how got mixed up, and I would have to make another booking through the web site. Frustrating. Never mind. The place itself seemed okay, I could only see one flaw, and that I would have to negotiate with JM.
I decided to go to the cheapest petrol station that I had cards for, and when I got there I found one card was missing. Lucky the other one had plenty of $$$ on it. And since I had come so far North, I decided to go to The Base and window shop.
I couldn't find what I wanted, found some small things that I did not need right away yet were to well priced to leave. JL texted me and had grapes and tomatoes for me. So we arranged a meet-up at The Base. It was a wee wait, and I used it to search for places to live and book viewings.
JL arrived with big bags of fruit. How lucky was I. We went and shopped, then a drink and chat. It was a good chat, and I like spending time with her. One day there will not be a professional relationship, and I hope we will remain good friends.
The trip home was in rush hour traffic, which I was getting used to now. I made a simple meal, and then sat on the computer surfing the internet. I also started work on the next project, hard to decide what it is. It holds a wine bottle, with wine or without. If without it is a vase, something different.
The surprise came late, I saw A was online, and sent a message. She did not reply. I ended up asleep for 2-hours on the couch, then I checked online and A had posted a pic I commented on. It surprised me how much I still care for her. I wanted to know she is safe, happy, doing okay.
It was late when I stumbled into bed at 3am.
I slept through my alarm, waking after 8am. My head was not great, a mild migraine, my body ached, and my motivation was low. This is what happens when I stay up unreasonably late and the weather patterns keep changing.
I was a slow sort of day, so I went slow. I was on the net lots, I napped, I worked on the new project, I scoffed grapes and tomatoes, and my mood and motivation improved. I had conversations with the toy tiger when I wanted human contact (I was not really in the right state for such contact). The day felt very long, and I have no idea why.
I am going to do a day trip later this month to Taupo to meet a friend I made on the internet. She is 15yrs older, yet we seem like we have been friends for an age. It is also my sisters birthday, and I had originally planned to visit her for her birthday. However, my step father is visiting her for a month, over this time, and there is no way I will go visit while he is there. Sadly my trip North to see her for her birthday will have to wait another year.
I finished my project, pleased enough with it.
It was late as I got into my unmade bed, I was to tired to shower or put sheets on the bed. Tomorrow is another day, and I need more sleep. I saw A had been on-line again, I do miss her, though the pain is easing.
Aroha all,
Geogina
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