Fighting The Negative

It has felt both a short and a long weekend. This is an odd feeling, probably me trying to synchronize myself to a slower way of living. It is probably that when I think about it.

Saturday morning I slept in slightly. I had plans of many things, as usual. In the end I spent much of the morning surfing the net and doing the blog. The morning seemed to drag a bit. I enjoy my blog,, yet I seemed distracted. I could feel the heavy undertow of my issues and it temper the joy I was feeling.

The new temporary neighbors are a very young couple, she is pregnant and I don't think he gets the whole relationship thing beyond trying to be a provider and do the right thing. I have loaned them my TV and a pot. I can feel the tension and stress of the situation they are in. I want to help, and I do what I can I suppose. Still, I leave the door open.

I think of all the relationship experience I have had, good and bad, the lessons learned, and a complete perspective change from being a trans woman and the hormone effects, and I feel I can make a positive contribution somehow. I know the shit when I see or hear it because I once did it or experienced it. I feel right now that they are having a slightly negative pull on me, which I am not happy to admit. I need more positive relationships around me.

It was midday when I finally got in the shower and dolled up. The makeup was not bad, and I had attempted a plait in my hair which almost worked. More practice required.

I had a few jobs to do in town. I had medication to get, some more artificial flowers to buy, petrol to get, and a trip to get some hardware. It should all be very straight forward. Then I discovered how hard to get a park it was. It was a traffic nightmare.

First was a drink, it was a hot day. Next I went to get the flowers at a closing down sale. I managed to find some I liked, and checked for other bargains. The stock had been hard hit in some places. I could find only a couple of hair accessories. A cheap buy at half price, especially the flowers.

The medications had to be made up, so I looked around the mall. I checked some clothing stores, some makeup, and could see nothing much of interest. People were more interesting, and the security team was constantly on the move dealing with teens. The clothing people wear sometimes still shocks me. Today I was looking at hair, and I felt envious of a sort of all the hair some of the young women had. There was also a number of young women holding hands or arm in arm. That really started to make me feel miserable. I picked up my meds and left.

Next stop was petrol, which was a wee drive in very heavy traffic. While at this end of town I was thinking of shopping at the Base or Bunning's northern store. The traffic was so heavy after gassing up that I decided to go to my usual near home. I had some good tunes playing and was singing along, and this picked up my mood. 

Bunnings became a mission and then some. The specialty items I wanted I could not find. The staff help today was also not that great. Normally they are fantastic. Today I was stuck with younger staff. After a marathon walk around the store through various departments, it was confirmed that they did not have what I wanted. So it was back to plan B, find something I can adapt. 

With all the searching I had done I had discovered somethings I might adapt, angled brackets. The brackets were required for the dinning chair backs to hold them on to the chair frames. Figuring the right size was tricky, and the variety of brackets was almost confusing. I decided to get a variety so I could experiment.

By the time I got home I decided it was time to make dinner. Tonight was venison dumplings with the tomato mix I had made the previous night. It was the first time making dumplings in maybe 20 years. I had some dumpling molds to make things easy. It was actually fun making this dinner, and the happy factors built a little.

 

After this tasty meal, and dessert, second dessert, coffee, and lollies, I spent the evening mostly listening to YouTube stuff while I played games on the new tablet. It was nice chilling out.

What I forgot to tell you was that before 2nd dessert I had gone to the supermarket to get it, when at the checkout I discovered that somebody had been making charges on my card, from Europe for a web service I had not used, or even been to the site. It was a fair chunk of change. I was stunned.

I immediately got hold of the bank when I returned home and after a wait, had my card blocked. I was told I would have to contact the Merchant processor in Europe to try and sort it out before it would escalate to the bank trying officially. This did not sound hopeful. It did explain why I seemed to be short of money lately.

So I got hold of the European processor, and through a chat I got the charge reversed. I then for some reason asked if there were similar charges listed  against me, and bingo, a total of US$97 was found. Aha! So the latest charge was immediately returned, the rest will take a week. Victory of a sort. I need to be more careful. 

I went to bed late, 2am. I keep forgetting I am not a teenager. My day had worked out okay in the balance.

In the morning I slept in. For me it was lots, 9am. Oh well, I needed the sleep. I could have done with more. Never mind, I cooked an excellent breakfast to  Chorizo sausage, egg, mushrooms, Kumera chips, and cherry tomatoes. It was a nice feast. I decided to be more organized today, so showered and dressed well before lunch. A meal like this to start my day is not untypical, and makes me happy. 

The undertow was still dragging me down, so I decided to keep busy with doing domestic jobs about the flat, change and wash sheets, play some games, make lunch, snack, and anything else I could think of. 

The afternoon passed, and I could feel tension next door.

 

As I started making dinner (more dumplings), I heard the noise of things boiling over, which had me worried. I waited a few minutes then went to check on them, I felt concerned enough. The response was cold, and very tense, so I offered a time-out space if either wanted it over a coffee. They were to young and proud to take that offer. 

So after a beautiful dinner, I decided I needed time away from them, so I walked to the supermarket on a lovely evening. And it really was lovely, so I took my time. I even found some Feijoas on my scavenger hunt on the way home. They were tasty.

I put on music, then YouTube to mask sounds from next door. I played games, rested, overate, and then the blog right now in the late evening. I don't need this shit. I had also applied for a rainbow flat, and was rejected on age, again. Yes, my own peeps are ageist as well. Rainbow people can be so insensitive.

Well the day is over and I am going to turn into a pumpkin. A mixed day I felt slightly ahead on, barely.

Aroha all,

Geogina