Sleeping For Time Out

Sleep is the friend of all. I have terrible sleep issues as some of you may know, and I am lucky to get 4hours sleep a night. Usually this is no issue as I am so used to it. It does however start running up a line of credit on your energy reserves and the interest is cumulative. If you don't start making some serious extra payments then you get the debt collectors around and that is not fun. 

This is where I found myself Sunday night going to bed. When I woke at my usual 6am I slept in for another hour before getting up. Breakfast, some internet, then a serious nap on the couch. A little cleaning, then back for another serious nap on the bed. An early lunch, then another nap. 

I rose about 1pm, somehow ended up in discussion with the friendly VM concerned over my state of mental health from my last post. We had quite a chat where I opened up about some things that helped her to understand my situation and past. There are parts of my life that are off limits generally, and sometimes I have to vaguely refer to them. This might frustrate some, yet my blog is primarily a tool for me to work through my shit, and to keep my support team informed. 

It also allows me to share some of my life with the wider world, which might be entertained, informed, or inspired. At least I hope people find something in it.

My life has not been straight forward, and is still not. I have had battles and struggles that many I know will not have, and they make me unique. This is in part due to some of those things I can't talk about,  and other things I can. It also reflects a path to change my life and put it back on course for the life I want to live, to be the person I have always wanted to be, and the courage and determination to make it happen. 

So after the long chat explaining things and taking some good feedback, I decided I was going out to get the tool I had been planning on. I did myself up, thought I looked pretty good, and went out happy and with purpose.

Making an effort with my appearance is part of lifting my mood. Going shopping also is. I was rested, had unloaded a little, looking great and going out. My head was in a better space and care free.

I shopped happy. I had some positive attention when a staff member remembered me and we had a catchup on my projects. Sometimes retail staff can be a great lift when. Some have become friends.

I felt like rewarding myself for pulling myself out of the dive I had been in the last few days, so I popped into the supermarket, where again staff remember me even though I am in there much less. 

At home I cooked a great meal for one, and it hit the spot. A couple of pineapple ice blocks and some low sugar fizzy washed it down well, followed by great coffee and chocolate. I needed this treating of myself. Almost my whole day was about taking time to look after me, provide positive experiences. It is hard to be negative about life and stuff when you have fed your soul a diet of happiness.

I had stayed up a bit late, which was due to all the extra sleep. Today was Tuesday, and I intended to have another good day. I slept in a little, and then I had a slow start intentionally. Breakfast was beautiful and high in protein and substantial. A solid basis for the day ahead.

I took my new power saw out and started cutting up pallets, and it was so much quicker and efficient, and I was happy with the results. I have some useful wood now for some smaller projects.

I went for a drink and break, and found a new f/b friend request from a woman I know, which I accepted. We started a chat and she had some very positive comments about me. She can't understand why some people find me difficult to approach because she has seen me enough and knows I am very approachable and caring. So nice to hear.

I got myself cleaned up, dressed up, and went to a meeting with B. This was a discussion about a number of things, including leaving somebody behind, for my safety. There was also discussion on finding my niche going forward. We talked about some ideas, and she had a couple of good ideas I am going to think over.

Essentially I have a very large range of experiences and skills, and the ability to communicate them. What thing can I do that pulls on these skills and experiences to find my place in the world.

I went home, and decided to have a rest before a social event for rainbow women over coffee. I had rush hour traffic to negotiate for the first time. What a traffic mess.

I had an iced coffee, and decided on some pancakes, not great for a diabetic, yet again, why not. I had a pretty good time, and made a nice connection with some other women. The positive experience was great in keeping me trying.

On the way home I decided on some fish'n chips, another treat. I disassembled a puppet theatre which was several square metres in size and made of a wooden frame that folded up and curtains that covered everything. I have lots of extra small timber, screws and hinges now.

Some YouTube, repelling a major ant home invasion, and I have had a great day.

Tomorrow is work in the morning, and possibly another meeting. I have some plans to build some things as well. Life for me is a rollercoaster.

Aroha all,

Geogina