Saying Goodbye & Other Stories
Lets start with some form of order of events. It has been a very mixed up weekend and emotionally really tough. I have tried to deal with it all in the best way I can. In this case it is about acknowledging pains that are hidden.
Saturday I decided to go to a CIS women's friendship group for Hamilton. This was in large part because the previous night had been a small win for me so I decided to push my fortune and try this group.
It was in a part of town I have never been to, and I relied on Google Maps. That is until they very quickly started doing messed up shit that was ridiculous. I am not kidding, I don't think it knows what part of Earth I am on sometimes! One day I will end up in another country. Lucky I can smell when it goes screwy, and then I kick in instinct which always serves me well.
I arrived late, yet missed little. A mix of women, and some chit chat ensued. Eventually I seemed to be edged out a little. I had a very nice Blueberry Mousse Cake, and a iced coffee. The cake was great, and I would have taken pics except my phone storage was maxed out.
After 2hrs I departed for other activities, and in a good mood. I went to The Base where I did a big shop around. I looked at clothes, under garments, some technology, and got a water melon cheaply and some pig skin. A trip to farmers and I got some Revlon foundation for all day wear. The staff colour matched me nicely. I had favourable reactions from many women and even some men.
On the drive home I went via my local supermarket for refreshments. It had been a very hot day, and I was thirsty.
I worked on my blog mostly last night, A has been on my mind, she leaves Monday. The blog was a little emotional, there was lots on my mind. Reflecting on past relationships and then that with A was not easy. Only A ever got 100% me, the first person I have done that for.
I fell asleep on the couch, waking and getting to bed about 1:30am after I made the bed. I could feel my head going off balance, a strange feeling hard to describe, more about a mixture of feelings spurred on by mixed unhelpful thoughts.
The morning my head had an early stage migraine, and I was tired and fatigued. Motivation was almost non-existent. I slept in, not very well, and finally got up for breakfast. I was really struggling, even had another nap. after lunch I texted KW who was on-call, and I told her my state. She had me form a plan, which I managed to do eventually. A chat with an on-line new friend also helped.
I had also seen something tragic on-line about a 16yo trans girl harrassed, beaten, and murdered by 2 teens her age, just because she was trans. It really hit me in a soft spot, I had experienced everything but death, and I probably came closer to that than I care to think. I broke out in tears like I had not seen for ages, this was hitting hard, unlocking buried trauma of my own. I posted the video to my FB page. This needed sharing.
I had a shower, cleaned up my face, and used all the new makeup, and I felt beautiful, definitely my best makeup yet. A new bright pink exercise top and my denim mini and I felt really good about my appearance.
I went out, firstly looking for a coffee place, any place I had not been to. I walked up and down the main drag, and was about to select the Iguana when a younger woman I learned was from Yemen, called me over and said I was really looking beautiful. She invited me to sit with her Kiwi-Somali partner/boyfriend, and we talked over some fries and a Lemon-Lime-Bitters drink. We had an amazing chat. Funny how I find people.
Next stop was Duck Island, which was very, very close to where A lives. I really had gone for the ice cream, and I had a delicious mix of Caramel & Pecan + Coffee Coconut. Yum is an understatement.
As I ate I decided I would text A goodbye. I may not get a reply, or it may go badly, or maybe it would be good. Some support people might get upset, yet this was my choice, and I was not going to be unkind and just try to forget her, because frankly I never will.
My text was sincere, caring, grateful.
Hi, I wish you the best. I will always be a friend. Would not change a thing I said or did, you were the only person I have ever been 100 % open, honest, and true to, and I am grateful for the time you were in my life. I am a better woman, person, and I know I will always be so, because you allowed me to be. You will always be in my heart 💜💜💜 Take care. Thank-you Angel 😇 💗😘🦜
I got a nice reply. We chatted a little, and as hard as it was, it felt good to be parting on better terms with things said I felt needed to be.
This all happened as I did my grocery shopping, emotional multi-tasking.
Tonight I have eaten little, it shot and I am not very hungry. A chat with my new friend online, another with my sister (who now has power and cellular-coverage) and I am doing okay. My sister tells me I need to get over A to move forward. I told her I had not yet got over my last wife fully, and she never got me 100% as A did.
Well that is another day done. Most of the makeup looks good still. I am in a happier sad place, which is progress on this morning.
Aroha all, take care if you are still battling the effects of mother nature anywhere on this planet,
Geogina
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