Relative Peace & Quiet & Mess

There are times when you need rest, and can't, and days when you want something to happen and it doesn't. Then there are difficult people like me who want both and get neither. I can be difficult to please it seems.

I am not really that difficult. I am an active relaxer, and an over worker, and sometimes over achiever. If I am going to do nothing then sleep is good. The trouble is I seldom choose to do nothing. My brain goes a bit crazy at times, especially when tired, and I try to do things and get frustrated with myself.

Friday was such a day. My plans for the day were put on hold by sleeping in. Not much, enough to put me out of sorts. Then a meeting was arranged by KW for 11:30am. 

I could not really focus. I tried to do things, struggling. The flat needed a little work, a real mess. I did some basics, bare minimums. There is still tools and bits and pieces everywhere. These are signs of my mind achieving focus, tired. I have so many things  on the go, and nothing is making progress. It is so frustrating.

So when KW arrived my place seemed cluttered and out of order, and it was noted by her.

We had a good chat, mostly me talking about my week. Features of which includes my disagreement with E, looking over the behavior and relating to my own experiences. Comparing my experiences with The Elephant In The Room I could see that I was so much more aware and practicing all I had learned.

Another subject was why do I attract problematic women into my life. A thought from her was that I was a good listener, which allowed people to unload their problems. I had to agree that may be part of it. Further discussion led to the conclusion that somebody like her, a little more extrovert would be an ideal match. 

Another discussion was on my avoidance of getting some things done. It is the fear of change 

There was the threat of a series of gang related youth fights in the city, a reflection of the state of affairs both locally and nationally. The organizers used e-mail, obviously not a hip young person. Such a shame, I have met many of these people and sometimes they have pathetic stories, and others is a tragedy.

So I had a rest, and then tried working on my Memory Tree, which involved finding photos to use, and sorting some frames. I am delayed as some of the photos create moments of reflection. This is why I want some of these photos, it is the purpose of the Memory Tree project.

Eventually I decide to tune out with some YouTube videos, some music, some history. Several concerts become my main focus, Faith No More and Rammstein. It is nice kicking back with snacks and doing nothing except enjoy the music.

Eventually sleep beckons.

Saturday is a new day, and Ihave a big sleep in for me, 8am. I needed that extra rest. Sleep can be so restorative. A slow start speeds up, In theory I have a gaming group session this afternoon, and the place is still a mess. 

So I seriously start cleaning up, putting stuff away properly. So much of it is tools and part projects. There is washing to process, a bathroom to clean, and my bedroom looks like a dump. It always feels good getting things back in order, re-establishing a sense of order, purpose, and even balance. The state of things reflects me.

It works like this; If there is mess and progress visible then head is good; Mess and lots of part projects means head is in a bad space; Some mess means things are Okay, normal; No mess means I am coming out of a bad space, or I am respecting my visitors, or I am trying to impress you.

Gaming was a no go due to other circumstances. This was not a bad thing. I wanted to go out after all that cleaning and get some things. I tidied myself up, and off to town I went, first to a place that sells almost every thing, then another, and then a Asian supermarket where among other things was a nice watermelon and some pork skin. Yum. Food places and variety stores are great places to explore.

Then I went to my favorite place, well first equal maybe. Yes, Bunnings in southern Hamilton, where people are good to me and I am in constructor heaven. I wanted a hot glue gun, and some other things, and found some lovely pink chain for a project. I also checked out some other ideas. I love being in this place of energy potential, it is good for the soul.

And on my way home was a few little goodies from my favorite donator house down the street, so I gathered up the relevant items. Turning out quite a day.

At home I got into finishing the bulk of my Memory Tree, which was good seeing it almost finished. There are a few things left to do, nothing I can do now. The near finish is a sight to behold, and it fills me with a joy of achievement and of memories and lessons. It honors people in my life and from the past. It is part of my life, and it will live as things are added.

My friend JL has a video call asking about how I am doing after last weekend. I know she is a great friend because she checks in regularly. It is a great chat when you can talk through stuff with people who care.

Dinner is a simple affair, watermelon, pork crackling, chicken, cheese and crackers. A night for simple pleasures. And as I eat I can reflect on what I have achieved and what I am grateful for. Even my plants are looking great.

Another little project to make an incense stick burner proves more problematic than I thought, tools not always being a help. In the end I master the problem by making it as simple as could be. The result I how to test Sunday. I do put tools away.

An evening of YouTube to unwind, mostly music, and I decide on an early night, of 10:30pm. It has been a really good day, and I have not focused on my problems or fears, and used the opportunities the day presented.

Aroha all, stay chilled and enjoy your day.

Geogina