Feeling The Elephants Pain While Living My Normal Life

It is a strange thing to be living your life in a kind of normality when people you care about are going through hell, and there is nothing much you can do. Ever had that? Can anything be more absurd?

All my life I have often felt the depths of despair in others. When I can literally feel their pain. Later in life I came to believe that it was actually part of my Fibromyalgia. Fibro as I shall call it here, is a condition where the nervous system is 25%+ more sensitive than the average person. My body can feel barometer changes a day away, and then close to people I can sense pain, distress, and more. The effect on me can actually be to feel pain from great distance in the case of weather.

For some this might seem outrageous, yet it is very real and true. I can focus this through my hands. And if I focus my mind through meditation I can feel more. I have demonstrated this, it is real.

Sound weird? Sound crazy? For some it will. For some it might seem delusional. I don't mind. In my family there is a lineage of what might seem weird things, abilities that might raise eyebrows. There is also a high level of empathy within our family. I shall talk more about that later.

 

Right now I can feel what is happening to The Elephant In The Room right now. There is a feeling of sickness in the body. My mind is clouded and swirling. It is toxic. Poison. It comes out in my breathe, I can feel it seep through my pores. This is really just a fraction of what The Elephant In The Room is feeling, experiencing.

It has been bothering me for a week, getting worse. I have to take regular rests, clear my mind, and sometimes shut down. Over the years I have learned how to manage this, purge myself, manage the emotions it creates, discharge what I shall call toxic energy. 

Anyway, this is one of the stronger experiences I have had. Not like some cancers I have experienced, it is different. 

My heart goes out to The Elephant In The Room.

That is really all I want to talk on this right now.

In the meantime I am living a life of normality. I am doing all the normal things that fill my life. There is work which I love, there is creativity happening, and socializing. I have met people over coffee, and then been out to dinner with fellow rainbow women. I have been at the Maker Space at the library working on restoring a piece I have yet to finalize, as well as glass cutting experiments. I have had meetings, therapy, and helped a friend. Music and YouTube docco's, I have been shopping, had my eyebrows threaded and tinted, and managed the daily tasks of life.

 

And all the while my dear friend, The Elephant In The Room, has been going through hell, and there is little I can do.

I did say I would talk about empathy. My past is full of examples of me using it for the right reasons. Like many skills or talents I have, it can also be used for bad or evil. Those who have stuck with me over the years have found out that there was a period of time where I used it for evil, a past I have walked away from. I am always carefully examining my motives for the use of my talents. I prioritize good for people, all people.

And that is why I care, really care about The Elephant In The Room. I care deeply for all my friends. I would sacrifice for them all. It is not atonement, nothing can make up for what I once did, yet that will not be the defining part of my life. How I live now will be. How I care and how I express that is who I am and will always be. These are qualities that my mother had, and my grandmother. I miss them both.

Take care of those you care about, aroha to you all, do good, do right, do it now, do it always.

Geogina