A Busy Calm & Peace, Gratitude, &Thinking

Wednesday seemed a bit of a blur by the time the heat hit yesterday, and today was not much better. Bothe days were very close to 30C in the city. I believe more heat is yet to come.

Thankfully yesterday morning M called and said would I like to go out, and I was not going to turn down her company. On the way we would pick up C who was one of the staff I had had an issue with, and things were still not settled. I could feel there was still tension even with her brave face. I read people like that.

And something inside me said now is the time, so I turned to her and offered that the past shall be that, past, and we shall reset and move forward if she wanted. She seemed really pleased by this and the atmosphere immediately lightened. It felt good and right inside. I could spend a life time waiting for others, yet that is not me anymore. I want to make peace, I don't want to carry mental burdens or watch others carry them. Somebody has to step up and act, and if that has to be me then that is no problem. Peace is worth the effort and a little humility.

Later M told me that there was some tension on going over me being there, so I believe that will be no more.

M and I went to the lake, had a coffee, and sat in the shade near the lake chatting and soaking up the cool breeze in the shade. It was so nice. A perfect morning with good company. Soon the phone txt arrived and we returned to pickup C before dropping me home. I chatted to her, shared some photos, and the relationship was reset.

Next I hurriedly finished a cake for the op-shop ladies, and delivered it. They were in awe, it is a very unique cake and it looks decadent. They had saved a blouse for me, and I found some useful other items I had put on hold until today, payday. It was a great chat, always is, and so friendly.

My return was to a very hot house, and I tried to keep cool, windows all open, and I had a rest after some vegan research. I still had two cakes to make. And these next people were fussier, my work team. They had seemed skeptical about a tortilla cake, especially when they had no idea of the fillings, which I always make a surprise. I was serious about doing the vegan one well. And nervous about what they might think. A final trip to the supermarket to geta couple of things, and I was ready.

I made some great tortillas, and it is like a therapy to make then. I had The Lov'in Spoonful on repeat playing "Summer in the city", a great sound and rhythm to work to. I have mentioned this habit before, the continuous repetition of a song to create a pace of working that I can get lost in, keeps me calm and focused, happy. I must have listened well over a hundred times as I made these two cakes. No errors or mistakes, just an incredible mess which I functioned in. Creative chaos.

One thing I had researched was making vegan whipped cream, and I was doing it for the first time. It worked so well I used it for the next cake to. No more dairy cream for me. Best of all it is simple and cheap. I use Pams Coconut cream, cheap, and actually has a greater fat content than more expensive brands. You simply drain the coconut watery stuff, and with the remaining cream add some icing sugar and vanilla to taste before whisking it into a beautiful firm whip in no time at all, less than regular dairy cream. Oh the taste and texture was devine.

After that a quick clean, after eating the leftovers from bowls. Yum.

Online I developed a long chat with another T-girl of similar age and not that far away. We chatted until almost 2am, it really was great. There are experiences that only another trans can appreciate, and we shared many such things. We finished with a commitment to follow up and perhaps meet in two weekends. I liked her, a lot. Intelligent, witty, and a little worldly. Perfect friend potential. My gut instinct was good.

It was a hot night, and not much sleep was had before work. Something many others seemed to suffer from today, yet it is my normal. This is why I can withstand great stress levels than many, my normal is always stressed, not good for me, it does allow me to operate more calmly than others when stress hits. Lack of sleep and heat, no problem. Yet others at work were all suffering, and I just stayed my usual calm and happy self.

I tried my cake, and it was good. Others were still suspicious.

It was very hot by midday. I had driven home, discovered I had left my phone at work, so returned for it. On the way home I called in at the program office to see KW, C an G. C was not there, so I sat and chatted to the other two.

As with C, I made the same offer to G, and we immediately got on with our Mulligan moment (golf term for a do over). I had now made peace, and moved on, and it felt good.

Next was the op-shop, where they were very appreciative of the cake, loved it, requested more cheekily. I found a few more clothes, and picked up the bunch from yesterday. I was happy. There was peace and gratitude.

At home it was now getting to late to go to town to the Maker Space and do some making. It was also hot. Cold drinks were in order.

My sister video called, and we talk through the situation with my daughter, DD, and how my sister was feeling, which was hurt. It was clouding her thinking the way deep personal pain does. My daughter was reaching out to her to make contact, the first time in 10 years. I talked my sister through seeing the opportunity to reconnect, and that the past would have to be let go of if the opportunity was to be realised. 

It was another realisation of how far I had come. I had once been like her, and now I was able to work through my pain better.

And that had me pondering the many ways I had changed, mellowed, become capable of being the bigger person, the peace maker, the calm in the drama of the world.

After making some simple pizzas for dinner, I went to do the regular shopping now it was cool. I overspent just, and gained plenty to last a few weeks. I was wearing a new light miniskirt, and I felt great. I am so comfortable asme, being me, and happy

At home, several cold drinks in, I discovered a weta right beside me walking past within inches of my arm. What a shock. I hate creepy crawly stuff, especially Weta. Yet I have an incredible respect for them. They may be ugly and totally alien, and creepy things, they were just so incredible, a beauty of natures utter perfection of function over form. I set it free outside where it belongs.

Aroha all, my world is more at ease, and so am I.

Geogina